He Calls it Buoyant Resilience

It’s July 1st and we are still in our houses.  Our semi-quarantined lives have brought the gift of more time; time to connect, time to plan, and time to reflect. My reflection has solidified my ever-increasing respect for the tenacity of our children.  They have demanded for change, despite constructs from older generations, in a time where health and safety are constantly at risk.  Recently, my reflections morphed into a discussion with my son who is in his mid-twenties.  In both the pandemic and the protests, millennial and gen z generations have emerged as a unified voice that is demanding that their lives and worlds do not need to be mandated by older generations.  We were also outspoken in our youth but did not stay the course because there was always the next thing to focus on. 

My son is able to clearly differentiate between the resilience of my generation, which is so often based on work and financial success and the resilience of his generation.  He calls his generation’s ability to weather life’s storms buoyant resilience and explains that while older generations work from a mindset of the “climb to the top” resilience, getting through hard times by envisioning an outcome and putting our full heart and effort into that specific need, the youth rides the current.  They were not raised with some of the absolutes that we took for granted in our youth,  instead they have experienced constant economic fluctuation, unstable job markets with too many qualified and overqualified workers vying for entry positions, social injustice, and environmental choices that create wealth while negatively affecting our planet.  They are the generation that all received trophies for participation in elementary school, but we are now saying that they don’t have the same drive to succeed, the drive to win first place.  They are the children whom we praised for everything, stepped in so they wouldn’t experience failure, and now call precious.  Through this conflicting narrative and unprecedented times, they have needed to find their voice, and more importantly develop a resiliency to unpredictable currents.

As we experience yet the next historic event, my mind focuses on the metaphor of riding the current and buoyant resilience. Even in unprecedented times, I regularly see this in my students’ approach to their schoolwork.  They want to please their parents and teachers, but unlike our generation, they aren’t willing to sacrifice their well-being to please others. In the last several months, they have not only shown their resilience, they have owned their resilience. And, in many ways, this new type of resilience could be healthier than our own because they are thinking about the collective and the need for balance.  They are asking for respect and equality, but that shouldn’t be viewed as precious.  

Now that we are on a hiatus from hybrid learning, we need to sit with our children and without judgement, have them describe how they chose to plan their schoolwork.  We need to listen to them describe what they saw as a success, what they need to do differently, and what their plan for remaining buoyant will be for the fall.  We, their parents, need to let our children lead these discussions.  Their view of the world and plan for their academic future might not be ours, but it might be better if we really consider all that they have lived through and their resilience.  Anxiously wanting their greatest success, drives many of our demands but if we honestly listen, we might see that our children have a better understanding of their strengths, weaknesses, interests, and desires. Their definition of and plan for success might be better formed than we ever anticipated.   Our children are buoyantly resilient and I, for one, am grateful.